Today was my first workout in the 12 week challenge. I had no idea what I was getting into. For 45 minutes we went through a routine of various exercises...burpee's, jumping jacks, push ups of varying degree's, sit ups of various kinds, running in place, walking stretches -- did I say burpee's? And squats. I never knew 45 minutes could be so long. High intensity, no stopping.
I have to be honest and transparent here and say that this was a very hard day. I was the oldest person in today's class. I came in last with each endeavor. I discovered as time has passed that I can no longer do a sit up and struggled to do push ups. Staying in continuous motion for 45 minutes was pure hell. There. I said it. As the minutes passed all I could do was focus on getting on the floor and making sure I could get up OFF the floor.
I was made very aware of how my body has changed in the last decade as my body has been damaged by diabetes. There were times I was struggling to keep my balance!!
Not only did I push my body beyond its ability but my emotions and spirit were being stretched. By nature I am a very competitive person. Finding myself unable to do something humiliated me. I found myself struggling not to sit down and cry like a toddler. My pride took a beating.
When I was in junior high school I was miserable because teens can be mean and every day they told me how ugly I was. Going to gym class was just as brutal because some very mean girls were there to taunt me with cruel remarks. How I hated middle school gym! Today, though everyone was encouraging, it was my inner jr higher who remembered what it felt like to be last and unable to finish and it was both painful and overwhelming. Throughout my adult years my self esteem has only flourished so to be reminded of that young girl was surprising and emotional. Every two minutes when we were directed to start moving, or getting on the mat or standing back up I wondered if I'd make it another minute. But I did. And though I took a few breaks and had to minimize my movements, I did it. I finished.
Tonite I can hardly move. Im aching and hurting. I don't know how im going to do this. But I have to because I realize my life depends on it.
What did I learn today....As I waited to weigh in I stood watching the next class go through their hellish workout. Though they made it look effortless I knew they were feeling it. I saw that the younger they were the easier it was. I realized that I had once been 20 and had been able to do so much more. To people who are in their twenties, stay fit! Don't ever take it for granted.
I also learned that though the odds are high, nothing worth obtaining is pain free.
My greatest accomplishment today -- finishing and not giving up.
The struggle you're in today
is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.
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